…and trying to climb back up.
I had a pretty horrible end to 2013. Everything went relatively well until I finished my mid-terms. Then, I just took a huge plunge down an abyss (metaphorically). Just ask anyone who’s ever fallen down more than 2 floors. It wasn’t pleasant.
I knew it was kind of coming even before my exams. After that, I just didn’t feel like getting anything done or talking to anyone. I cut off contact with my friends and the only two things on my mind were work and school.
On Christmas Eve, I finally hit the bottom of the abyss, and boy was it painful. It was dark, but I’m pretty sure there were sharp rocks down there. Somehow, the fall didn’t kill me (guess I have a pretty damn high will to live). If I could stop anyone from taking that fall, I would. The bottom is a frightfully hopeless place; no happiness, no soul. If you’ve ever descended into that wretched place before, you’d know.
On New Year’s Eve, all I wanted was for the New Year to not come. Sadly, my words were not heeded and 2014 came anyway. By this time, I was scrambling about at the bottom, frantically searching for a way out. While I was at it, I paid attention to my surroundings for the first time. The ground was covered with things I couldn’t see. They rattled whenever I kicked or stumbled into them. I’m trying not to think that they were bones. I’m glad I didn’t just sit there and wait for the grim reaper to arrive. I finally realised that I couldn’t climb out of the abyss in total darkness, alone. I was lucky that my phone survived that horrendous fall too. I enlisted help and began the long wait for it to arrive.
Today – Some time after New Year’s Day, some kind soul parachuted my laptop and a stack of schoolwork into the abyss (drat! I thought I could escape that). I’m also trying to keep myself busy and distracted from the fact that I’m lost and alone in the darkness. I’ve built myself a harness using the rope that bound my homework together and am clawing my lonely way up, step by step. I know that I can’t go all the way by myself. This is probably the only time I’m admitting that I need someone to light the way or to pull me up. I’m still waiting for the ray of light from a torch to shine down into this deep dark hole. In the meantime, I can only hope. I can only hope that I won’t fall back down, because this time, I’m not so sure I will survive the fall.