So I’m almost finished with school, with only a few presentations and 2 weeks of lessons left. I’m obviously looking forward to the end, but there are issues I have to deal with before that even happens.
- Major depressive episodes
- College majors
I mentioned in previous posts (when I was really unstable) that I was dealing with strange emotional problems. I’ve been to the doctor and now have to wait to see a psychiatrist (or psychologist…). I told the doctor I didn’t want any medication yet, well… mainly because of this movie called Side Effects which I watched as part of my Plane Ride Movie Marathon, so she kindly referred me to the hospital where I could hopefully start some “psychotherapy”. I know this sounds crazy (well I already am), but I’m feeling much better already. It’s like the “fog lifted”. I’m not complaining, but I get worried that it’s something else entirely. There hasn’t been a confirmed diagnosis, but the visit reinforced my suspicions that something was up and also brought a completely unexpected condition to my attention. So I’m tentatively double the crazy. Yay (I should start a Crazy People Club).
I’m quite ashamed at myself for being stereotypical of mentally ill people when I was younger. Maybe that’s karma. What goes around comes around. Now I’m the crazy one having to deal with other people’s judgments. Now, because I was brought up in a first-world country, I was always taught that I was a lot well-off compared to other people my age. As a result, I hid everything from everyone and pretended to be a normal happy person without any worries. Also because I’m highly introverted. Also because people can be bitingly unsympathetic. Okay, I think the last reason applies most of the time. I, seemingly oblivious to what other people think here, am an extremely sensitive person. I can remember my parents’ exasperation whenever I cried because somebody was critical to me. “Why do you care what others think of you?!” The problem is, I care. I feel too much some times, and the build-up of emotions causes literal pains in my chest. I understand if you don’t believe what I say because I’m feeling a little stupid as I say it.
You know what? I ought to show my psychiatrist this post and those emo journal entries. I have absolutely no faith in my verbal communication skills.
Okay, moving on.
University application opens in less than a week here and I have no idea what I want to study for the next three/four years. Everything seems so interesting to me, but I obviously can’t be a quadruple major. I’m looking at courses learning towards the soft sciences and the humanities because my gut tells me I’ll love those more than technical stuff like what I’m doing now. However, there’s a kind of discrimination against people who graduate with BA degrees here. They’re just deemed as less intellectually-capable people and tend to draw lower wages. I don’t actually mind the lower pay, but the folks think it’s not worth it. Here is the breakdown of all the courses I’m considering (in no particular order after the first):
- BSc in Psychology & Language Science from University College London – This is my first choice, but $.
- BA in Psychology – This field is over-saturated at the moment and I can think of 5 people I know who are gunning for it. I also wonder whether crazy people can major in psychology…
- BA in Linguistics/Bilingual/Multilingual Studies – I really love languages and am fascinated by how they were created. I’m also very interested in how people acquire their first & subsequent languages and why some people are able to process languages better than others do. I think this would help me achieve my life goal of learning 10 languages. For now, I’m looking to master French and move on to more obscure languages like Icelandic (because it’s a hauntingly beautiful country on my top 1o to-visit list), Irish (because I love all things Irish) & Swedish (well… Ikea meatballs).
- BA in English Literature – This has never ever crossed my mind until I obtained an undergraduate prospectus from a local university and found that students are able to mould their degree around their interests. This means that it is not compulsory at all to study Shakespeare and the likes if you don’t so desire. I would love to open up my reading repertoire to mediaeval literature and texts from around the world and I think this would give me a good opportunity to do so. I’m afraid however, that this would kill my love for reading.
- BSc in Biomedical Science from Queen’s University Belfast – Because I get 2 years’ worth of credit exemptions which makes university much less expensive. Also, Belfast. But I really don’t think I would enjoy the course.
So here are two major issues affecting my life at the moment. Are you afflicted with the same problems?
Till next week then.