Note: This post was written roughly 4 months ago. I found it in the drafts bin. Nothing has been edited. Enjoy. 🙂
Good morning, everyone.
It is with a heaviness of heart that I announce the closure of a chapter of my life. This chapter had been fraught with problems from the beginning. It was as if I was living in a story, written by someone who’s eager for her protagonist to suffer and make all the mistakes she could make before trying to right them again. In other words, a good story. However, if you were me, you’d wish that they didn’t happen, but at the same time wouldn’t be able to figure out where you’ll be otherwise.
Hence, I’m grateful. I’m thankful for everyone who’s been around me these 3 years, for being part of my story. The plot wouldn’t have been able to progress without any of you. This chapter roughly began in 2011, when I was just about the most confused person in the world. I was insecure, stressed and without vision. I didn’t know where to go. The new friends I’d made at my new school were kind, but I was reluctant to receive their friendship. Instead, I let prejudice rule. I was ambitious. I’d wanted straight As… but for what?
Thank you, Daddy, for allowing me to switch schools, even though that was the last thing you desired.
This school gave me freedom. Nobody was going to dictate what I could and couldn’t do. I could go to class in slippers and nobody told me to keep my curtain-hair off my face. I felt liberated for once. However, there was still something holding me back. I wasn’t sure that I’d made the right decision. Because I couldn’t see where I would go from there. I was still as lost as before. However (and this is crucial), I had time.
I had time to dabble in things that I never had the opportunity to do. I signed up for French lessons and started this blog as an outlet for my musings. I went to Ireland on an internship and worked part-time to cover my own expenses. I read more books yearly than I ever had and I wrote stories. Through these combined experiences, I found a whole new purpose in life – and it wasn’t to get straight As. This was a life I’d wanted to end not so long ago. I almost didn’t make it.
This is where I appear shameless. I’m indebted to myself for speaking out about my innermost problems for the first time. Nobody could tell that there was something wrong with me. I knew. I knew, but I didn’t want to face it. I thought I could just go on because hey, there are thousands of other people doing the same, right? I’m glad I pushed my ego aside and conceded defeat. I’d tried to be strong for far too long.
I’ve emerged from the darkness and even though I’m not and never will be the same as before, I’ll be prepared if I happen to sink below the line of sight again.
Here’s thank you. To my parents, who saw me through my worst (and paid my medical bills), who still love me even though there’s obviously some chemical imbalance in my brain and who looked so proud at my graduation ceremony; to my lecturers who gave me opportunities to explore the world, opportunities I would never have had, and for believing in me when I didn’t believe in myself; to my friends who listened to my problems and with whom I had loads of fun.
I can’t believe 3 uneventful, but tempestuous years have passed. I’m still standing (well, sitting would be more apt) and fiercer than ever. I’ve begun dreaming again and I can’t believe how happy I am about it. I’ve found new meaning in life and can’t wait to embark on my next adventure.
As I write off this chapter with a satisfying conclusion, the next will begin. I can only hope that the worst is over, but with hundreds of chapters left, who is to say that all will be well?